Sometimes, you have to make your own destiny.

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Sunday, October 27, 2013

Chapter 7, Pt. 2

“What’s wrong?” Asked Kade. “Not the people you were hoping to see?”

Silay stepped back. She could almost imagine she heard Jarlen and Riya reminding her of her training. Keep as much distance as possible between yourself and your opponent. That was why Jarlen preferred a sword. A sword! Silay had carried one on her horse ever since she’d started taking lessons from Jarlen. She took another step back, keeping her eyes on the two men, who were watching her carefully.

“What are you doing, girl?”

If you’re frightened, don’t talk. It will only give your fear away. That was Riya. Silay stepped back again, this time feeling for the horse behind her. She slowly stretched her arm along the saddle until she felt her scabbard. Never taking her eyes off her opponents, she drew the sword. The horse shied away, and she almost lost her balance, but managed to stay standing. Always keep the point of your sword pointed at the enemy. They must go through it to get to you. Jarlen again.

Kade laughed, not exactly the response Silay had hoped for. He nodded to Talis beside him. “According to your friend, you could barely even manage a knife a few weeks ago. You expect me to believe you can use a sword now?”

“Silay, please, just put down the sword.” Talis almost sounded like he was pleading. “There’s no need to fight. Jarlen and Riya aren’t able to help you.”

“Listen to him, girl. He’s trying to help you.”

Silay’s eyes flicked from Talis to Kade. Something wasn’t right here.

There was a sound behind her. Silay pivoted around, and slammed into something solid. The sword jerked from her hand, and she fell backward. Her head hit the road, and everything went black. 
From time to time I read lists titled along the lines of "Cliches to Avoid While Writing" or the like. Interestingly enough, none of these have ever included the line "everything went black". Maybe I just read a lot of fantasy (okay, that's almost all I read), but this is a seriously overused phrased (in fact, it's the second time I've used it in this story). Also, I feel like it ignores the important issue of concussions. I'm betting pretty much all heroes in stories have had a concussion at some point, but no one ever addresses this.

Sorry if this post is a little lackluster. The original version was great before my computer ate it. 

1 comment:

  1. Proofreading :)

    Asked Kade (asked)